


EXCLUSIVE!!!

by ddelusionall



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco is a reporter, Humor, M/M, No Smut, Not Epilogue Compliant, One Shot, Quidditch Player Harry Potter, Spoilers, always imagined harry and draco shagging after the interview because drarry is life, sad i know but it was just a silly thing, written as an article in the daily prophet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8208709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddelusionall/pseuds/ddelusionall
Summary: Daily Prophet reporter Draco Malfoy (through a bit of Slytherin manipulation) has landed an interview with Harry Potter.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Hex Files](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Hex_Files), which was closed for financial and health reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Hex Files collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thehexfiles/profile).

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are property of JK Rowling. The plot of the original Harry Potter books belong to JK Rowling. This fic is written in fun and no money has been made.

\---

 **EXCLUSIVE: HARRY POTTER SPILLS IN HIS FIRST PUBLIC INTERVIEW**  
He talks of Love, Muggle Food and Quidditch  
by Draco Malfoy

An exclusive. It’s what we’ve wanted for the last six years. To know exactly what he likes, what makes him tick, what makes him Harry Potter.

Of course, I didn’t get this interview by the conventional method of asking for one. I cornered Potter in the showers after a Quidditch match. He would have hexed me had I not _Accio_ -ed his wand as soon as I walked in. I locked the door, Banished his clothes and every towel in the locker room, and made cold water stream out of every tap. He’ll probably hex me later, one day when I’m least expecting it. But I got the interview.

Potter, surprisingly enough, lives in a flat in Muggle London. It’s a nice flat with an open floor plan. Two steps down take you into a cozy sitting area. Two brown suede sofas and two smaller blue suede love seats form a comfortable half circle around a fireplace. He has an extendable dining table, only used for family occasions when the Weasleys come to dinner. His kitchen is immaculate, with Muggle appliances and contraptions. He does all of his own cooking. There’s an island with four bar stools, and it’s here, sipping on Butterbeers, where we talk. There’s another room full of sofas and poufs and a giant Muggle contraption called a television.

Potter knows I want to see it all, so he gives me a grand tour of his two bedroom/two bath flat. The second bedroom is large enough for a desk and a bed, covered in a red duvet. The master suite is exquisite, complete with a king-sized, four-post bed with deep blue linens. There is a humongous closet full of those ghastly Muggle clothes that he’s fond of wearing and those dress robes that he never feels comfortable in. The master bath has a huge tub, which according to Potter, has a combination of Muggle and magical relaxation implements.

The point of me describing Potter’s house is that Harry Potter is just like the rest of us. He has a place he calls home, a place he goes to relax and get away from the world. He likes to eat and to watch that Muggle television. He drinks when the mood strikes him.

Back in the kitchen, I set up my quill to take notes. Immediately he’s concerned, and after the Rita Skeeter fiascoes he suffered during school, who wouldn’t be?

 _ **Harry**_ : That better not be a Quick-Quotes Quill.  
_**Prophet**_ : It’s not. Look for yourself. It writes exactly what we’re saying.  
_**Harry**_ : I don’t know about this, Malfoy. What if I say something I shouldn't have, or that I don’t want anyone else to know?  
_**Prophet**_ : Better learn some discretion real fast then, Potter. That’s what an exclusive is all about.

At this point, Potter scoffs but he doesn’t tell me to put the quill away either, which is good because it’s going to make this interview a lot easier.

 _ **Harry**_ : So where do you want to start?  
_**Prophet**_ : This is a nice place.  
_**Harry**_ : Thanks.  
_**Prophet**_ : Why don’t you have a bigger house, something more along the lines of your wealth?  
_**Harry**_ : I have property elsewhere, but I’m not discussing that. I live here because, with me, just by myself, I have plenty of space.  
_**Prophet**_ : Exactly how rich are you?  
_**Harry**_ : You want my Gringotts balance?  
_**Prophet**_ : Sure.  
_**Harry**_ : Nice try. I’m well off. If I said anything else I’d be lying. I’m not going to talk about it.  
_**Prophet**_ : Okay, let’s talk about that _by myself_ comment. Everyone and their mother wants to know about your sex life.  
_**Harry**_ : What about it?  
_**Prophet**_ : First off, you’re gay.  
_**Harry**_ : Duh. Everyone already knows that.  
_**Prophet**_ : Any particular preference on who you date?  
_**Harry**_ : I don’t date.  
_**Prophet**_ : Why not?  
_**Harry**_ : Because people don’t want to date me. They want to date The Chosen One, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. I don’t date because I’m not that person anymore and people just don’t get that.  
_**Prophet**_ : You’re still famous.  
_**Harry**_ : That’s my point. I don’t date members of my fan club. I’m starting to think I should be trying to find someone who hates me and isn’t idolizing over me. It would be easier.  
_**Prophet**_ : I hate you, and I don’t idolize over you.  
_**Harry**_ : That was the worst pick up line I have ever heard.

It was pretty bad, but I’m sure the readers of this article don’t blame me for trying. I mean, it is Harry Potter after all.

 _ **Prophet**_ : So when was your last relationship?  
_**Harry**_ : A couple of years ago.  
_**Prophet**_ : That long?  
_**Harry**_ : Yes.  
_**Prophet**_ : You do know there are a ton of people who claim to have gone out with you.  
_**Harry**_ : And shagged me, I bet. I want to set the record straight, Malfoy. I’ve shagged four people. That’s it.

It takes quite a moment for this flustered reporter to get his cool back.

 _ **Prophet**_ : Only four. Who?  
_**Harry**_ : Nice try. Not telling. They know who they are, and I know that, with them, it wasn’t about shagging the Boy Who Lived. I’m getting frustrated with this topic. What else do you want to know?  
_**Prophet**_ : Top or bottom?  
_**Harry**_ : Malfoy.

Don’t worry. Potter wasn’t too mad when he said that. He didn’t even try to hex me.

 _ **Prophet**_ : Fine, don’t tell. Just trying to curb my own curiosity.  
_**Harry**_ : Sure, and if thousands of wizards weren't going to read this, I would probably tell you.  
_**Prophet**_ : Why would you tell me?  
_**Harry**_ : We have history, Malfoy. I may not consider you a friend, but we do have a history. And as that comment is going to generate curiosity, for those readers out there, Malfoy is not one of the four.  
_**Prophet**_ : And that’s a damn shame.

Harry laughs. Not many people get to hear Harry laugh. I’m pretty lucky to have seen Harry Potter with a big, bright smile on his face.

 _ **Harry**_ : What else do you want to know?  
_**Prophet**_ : Hm, I’ve got a few basic ones. Favorite food?  
_**Harry**_ : Macaroni cheese.  
_**Prophet**_ : What’s that?  
_**Harry**_ : It’s a Muggle thing. I’ll make you some.

Potter jumps up and starts moving around his kitchen.

 _ **Harry**_ : Keep asking questions. This will only take a few minutes.  
_**Prophet**_ : Favorite candy?

 _ **Harry**_ : I can’t tell you that, because I don’t want it to look like I’m playing favorites. The minute I say a brand name or anything, they’ll send me a bunch of free ones, and then everyone is going to only buy that one type of candy. I do love a good Butterbeer though.  
_**Prophet**_ : Who doesn’t? What about personal hygiene?  
_**Harry**_ : I use shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothpaste.  
_**Prophet**_ : Just like everybody else. Are there any specifics you can give us?  
_**Harry**_ : Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes will always be my favorite joke shop.  
_**Prophet**_ : Of course. You have a pretty close relationship with the Weasleys.  
_**Harry**_ : They are my family. Ron’s my best mate, George is right up there with him. Molly and Arthur are like my mother and father. They’ve watched out for me, protected me and have been there when I needed them.  
_**Prophet**_ : You were in a relationship with their daughter, Ginny, for awhile.  
_**Harry**_ : That was in school, before the war, and after, we’ll I figured out I was gay. She understood. She set me up on my first date with a guy.  
_**Prophet**_ : Anyone I know?  
_**Harry**_ : Yes, but I’m not saying during this interview.  
_**Prophet**_ : One of the four?  
_**Harry**_ : Maybe, maybe not.  
_**Prophet**_ : Did anything happen with Ginny?  
_**Harry**_ : No. She married Neville Longbottom about six months ago.  
_**Prophet**_ : Longbottom?  
_**Harry**_ : Stop laughing. He’s smart. He’s one of the best Herbologists in the wizarding world.  
_**Prophet**_ : Sorry, just wasn’t expecting that. Ron’s married, too, right?  
_**Harry**_ : To Hermione. Like that’s a surprise.  
_**Prophet**_ : Not a bit. You guys used to be best friends. The Golden Trio, I think we called you back then.  
_**Harry**_ : We still are best friends. Ron and Hermione come over all the time. I’m their baby’s godfather.  
_**Prophet**_ : And your relationship with George is ... ?  
_**Harry**_ : Nice try, Draco. George and I are friends.  
_**Prophet**_ : Not lovers?  
_**Harry**_ : No.  
_**Prophet**_ : And the rumor about you two being business partners?  
_**Harry**_ : I wasn’t aware of that rumor, but now there will be one.  
_**Prophet**_ : So it’s not true?

After giving me a look, but not answering, I know I’m onto something, so I plunge ahead.

 _ **Prophet**_ : Not answering a question is more telling than lying, and I know you don’t lie very well.  
_**Harry**_ : It’s why I don’t give interviews to information-hungry press maggots like yourself. Sorry, that wasn’t fair. I’m sure the other reporters aren’t as bad as you are.  
_**Prophet**_ : Funny. Come on. Come clean.  
_**Harry**_ : I helped Fred and George start their joke shop, I gave them a bit of money for research and design, but I am not their partner. I don’t own any of it.  
_**Prophet**_ : Fred is the brother that died, right?

Harry is quiet, looking at the pan on the stove that now holds boiling water and some kind of noodles. When he finally does speak, it’s in a whisper.

 _ **Harry**_ : He died in the war, fighting for everybody to be free. No one remembers but his family. No one follows any of them around. No one remembers those who died. It’s the opposite. I shouldn't be remembered. Why am I remembered and revered, because I lived? Because I wasn’t good enough to sacrifice myself for the war? What did I do? I didn’t give my life for the cause.  
_**Prophet**_ : There’s a memorial.  
_**Harry**_ : I know that.

It’s quiet again. Potter is clutching at the counter top, knuckles white, breath gasping in the silence. It’s tense, as he battles with his emotions.

 _ **Harry**_ : Sometimes it’s just not enough. What about those that are still alive? Those that helped out? Like you, Malfoy. You helped after the war. You gave up information about the Death Eaters, where they were most likely hiding. We couldn't have rounded them up if it wasn’t for you. But you never get the attention you deserve just because of your ***** of a father. You shouldn't still have to pay for his mistakes, but all you do is write for the Prophet.  
_**Prophet**_ : I like my job.  
_**Harry**_ : You like to pry.  
_**Prophet**_ : It’s what a reporter does, and I’m good at it.  
_**Harry**_ : Yeah, you always were an insufferable know-it-all that never knew when to shut the hell up.  
_**Prophet**_ : Thank you.

The tension clears as Potter laughs again, stirring the contents of the pot.

 _ **Prophet**_ : So let’s talk about something else.  
_**Harry**_ : What now?  
_**Prophet**_ : Quidditch.

Potter’s face lights up. If there’s anything Potter loves, it’s Quidditch. As most of the readers know, Potter plays Seeker for the Chudley Cannons. He’s been part of the team for two years.

 _ **Prophet**_ : What are the Cannons chances of making it to the finals?  
_**Harry**_ : We still have a long way to go, but we’re working on it. Headly, Pierce and Connor are working their tails off to be a seamless force of Chasers. Our Beaters have been named the best in the league and our Keeper is learning quick. If we don’t make them this year, we’ll make them next year.  
_**Prophet**_ : Why do you play for the Cannons?  
_**Harry**_ : What do you mean?  
_**Prophet**_ : Well, no offence, but you’re Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, and I think that any team would want you to play for them.  
_**Harry**_ : I know it’s not based on my talent.  
_**Prophet**_ : You’re a ****** good Seeker, Potter. Best in the league.  
_**Harry**_ : Thanks, but that’s the point. I could play anywhere because of my name, just as long as my name is on their roster, the team would want me.  
_**Prophet**_ : You’ve proven yourself in the air.  
_**Harry**_ : I have now, but when I decided to play, anyone would have taken me based on my name alone.  
_**Prophet**_ : Is that why the Cannons took you?  
_**Harry**_ : Probably, but they also had their Seeker seriously injured a few weeks before. They were losing, and they were desperate for anyone that would be good enough. I tried out when they held tryouts and I just happened to be the best Seeker there.  
_**Prophet**_ : They’re Ron Weasley’s favorite team, aren’t they?  
_**Harry**_ : Yep, has been since Ron was only five. He’s the one that got me into Quidditch, and as my best mate, I started rooting for his favorite team.  
_**Prophet**_ : So again, why them? Why not the Wasps, who could pay you more? Or the –  
_**Harry**_ : I don’t play Quidditch for the money, Malfoy. I play Quidditch because I like it. Now, as to why, what if I did play for the Wasps, but the Cannons are my favorite? Well, I’d root for the Cannons, always, no matter what. If I played for someone else, during a game, I may just be tempted to miss the Snitch just so the Cannons could win. So playing for the Cannons is the best way I can do both, root for my favorite team and play to the best of my abilities. You should play Quidditch. You’re a great flyer.  
_**Prophet**_ : Was. I haven’t flown for a while.  
_**Harry**_ : We should go flying one day. Dredge up that old rivalry. Let a Snitch loose so I can catch it right in front of you again.  
_**Prophet**_ : Shut it.  
_**Harry**_ : You used to be almost as good a Seeker as I was.  
_**Prophet**_ : Always almost, Potter. I was almost as good as you at everything.  
_**Harry**_ : What about Potions? You were even better than Hermione in school. Why aren’t you making potions?  
_**Prophet**_ : This isn’t an interview about me.  
_**Harry**_ : It should be. Like I said, everyone that helped with the war doesn’t get enough credit. For some reason, people think I’m the only one that matters.  
_**Prophet**_ : Do you get along with your teammates?  
_**Harry**_ : Of course I do. They’re all great.  
_**Prophet**_ : What about that incident with Kramer?

Harry laughs again. About half way through last season Kramer, one of the Chudley Cannons Beaters, sent a Bludger right at Harry, hitting him in the face. He was knocked from his broom and would have sustained more injuries but their teammates caught him in the air. They lost that game, as the Snitch decided right then to show up and Jackson from Puddlemere United snatched it up.

 _ **Harry**_ : Kramer thought I was hitting on his girlfriend. He thought me being gay was just some ploy so more women would flock around me. We had a talk, we got over it, and now they’re married. I get along just fine with my teammates.  
_**Prophet**_ : Do they see you as the Boy Who Lived?  
_**Harry**_ : They did at first, but it’s been two years. Now they know better.  
_**Prophet**_ : It’s been noted that you don’t hang out with them in public.  
_**Harry**_ : Are you kidding me? Do you even know what happened the one time I tried? That first season, after our very first win, we all went to a bar, and I was only there for five minutes before everyone wanted my autograph. Not theirs, just mine. By just being there, I almost caused a riot. I try to keep a low profile and they know that. When I do hang out with them, we stay indoors, going either here or to one of their houses. We have team dinners and team parties all the time.  
_**Prophet**_ : Good bit of camaraderie then.  
_**Harry**_ : Yep. Here.

Harry drops a plate in front of me. There are noodles covered in some sauce. I look at it for a moment, before taking a single noodle. It’s pretty good. Really cheesy and the noodles are perfectly tender. We eat in silence for a while.

 _ **Harry**_ : Macaroni cheese. My favorite.  
_**Prophet**_ : You like to cook.  
_**Harry**_ : I love it. It’s not that hard. Just like potions. You have a list of ingredients and you have to follow instructions.  
_**Prophet**_ : Potter, you were awful at Potions during school.  
_**Harry**_ : Hey, I got an E on my NEWT.  
_**Prophet**_ : Yeah. Did you go back to school for any particular reason? I mean, you didn’t have to, you know, being the Boy Who Just Wouldn’t Die and all that.  
_**Harry**_ : I wanted to prove that I could do it on my own, Draco. And I wanted to see my friends again. You didn’t go back to school.  
_**Prophet**_ : No.  
_**Harry**_ : It was kinda boring, not having you there to fight with.  
_**Prophet**_ : Sorry, but I am still Lu--  
_**Harry**_ : You are not Lucius.  
_**Prophet**_ : Thanks. I finished my NEWTs with a private tutor.  
_**Harry**_ : I didn’t know that. How’d you do?  
_**Prophet**_ : I got nine. Even an O in Potions.  
_**Harry**_ : Better than me, I only got eight. Why are you writing for the Prophet when you got nine NEWTs?  
_**Prophet**_ : Well, no matter how much I helped in the war, afterwards, you are still the Boy Who Lived and I am still Lucius Malfoy’s son. The fame works both ways, good and bad.  
_**Harry**_ : It shouldn't. We couldn't have done it without you and your information.  
_**Prophet**_ : Again, Potter, this interview is about you.  
_**Harry**_ : And you were part of my life, in school and during the war. Of course, we hate each other, but you’re still part of it.  
_**Prophet**_ : If you hate me, why agree to the interview?  
_**Harry**_ : I was cold and wanted a towel. And I wanted you to stop staring at me.  
_**Prophet**_ : You were naked, I couldn't help it.  
_**Harry**_ : Trying to get to be number five on my list, Malfoy?  
_**Prophet**_ : Oh, I’d be number one, Potter. And I’d be perfect for you.  
_**Harry**_ : Why do you say that?  
_**Prophet**_ : You said it yourself. You need someone that hates you.  
_**Harry**_ : That’s why.  
_**Prophet**_ : Why what?  
_**Harry**_ : Why I agreed to this interview. We don’t really like each other. I know you’ll tell the truth. You’re not going to make me sound like a hero, or the Boy Who Lived. If anything, you’ll make me sound bad.  
_**Prophet**_ : I don’t have a death wish. Can you imagine how many Howlers I’d get if I said you were the biggest prat to walk the face of the Earth?

Harry laughs again. Our macaroni cheese finished, Potter stands and takes the plates to the sink. Using no magic, he rinses them and then puts them into one of those Muggle contraptions. He tells me later that it’s used to wash dishes. I think he should just get a couple of house-elves, but he likes the work. He likes the manual labor of sweeping his own floors and making his own bed. He says that it makes him remember that he’s human. He’s not all powerful, he’s not a hero. So who is he?

Harry Potter is a twenty-three-year-old male with eyes like the grass after a spring rainstorm. He’s Ronald Wesley’s best mate. He’s a godfather. According to Molly Weasley, he’s her son. He’s a Seeker for the Chudley Cannons and, according to Headly, the best teammate any bloke could ask for. Harry Potter is looking for someone to spend his life with. He’s moving forward, away from the War, and finding his place in the world.

In other words, Harry Potter is just like the rest of us.


End file.
